The Critters: A NYC Mouse Family Story
A fictional story rooted in stress, symbolism, and just enough peppermint oil.
Note from the author: If you’ve been following for a while, you know things haven’t exactly been easy-breezy lately.
This post is something different. A fictional story, told by me and edited with the help of AI tools, but written with a lot of heart. It’s part creative release, part therapeutic exercise—and hopefully something you enjoy, whether for the story itself or the approach.
I’ve also included a link to my very first draft and the tools and prompts I used, in case you’re curious about using AI to support your writing without losing your voice.
Once upon a time, there was a little mouse family, called the Critters, living in NYC. They had been a NYC mouse family for many generations and knew all the secrets to surviving the big city.
One morning the Critters were scurrying along 3rd Avenue when Papa Critter noticed a new structure: scaffolding. This was very exciting indeed because scaffolding meant new doors to new worlds and some potentially yummy food. He told the family to hide while he went up to check out the possibilities.
The scaffolding led to a deck with easy access to second story windows. One apartment had the windows cracked open, perfect for him to explore more. He could smell something that needed further investigation, but then he saw something that nearly scared him straight off the scaffolding. A dog!
There was something a bit off about this dog so he watched and waited, and waited, and waited. Finally, the dog woke up from her nap. She seemed to struggle getting out of bed, but finally made it up and slowly made her way to the water bowl, got a drink and then went and laid down in another bed. Papa Critter thought, "Oh, that's an old dog. I bet she can't hear or see us very well. That I can navigate!"
He waited until the dog was asleep and then quickly but quietly came through the window to see what treasures awaited. On his way to the big smell, he caught a couple of whiffs of stray dog kibble. That was a very exciting discovery. But the new smell seemed to be even more interesting. He finally got to the big smell and was thrilled with what he found. It was a robot vacuum that had apparently run through some dog poop but was never properly cleaned. He laughed to himself, "Oh, I think we can take care of that for you."
He went back down to the street to tell his family of the new home he found for them. He reminded them of the move-in rule: Don't be seen and don't poop where people walk. Only poop in hiding spaces so they don't know you're there. He also cautioned them that they'd have to keep initial visits short as they learned about the habits of the human, and most importantly, when the window would close. It turned out to be easy and the window, well, it never closed. So the family learned to co-exist with the dog and her human without ever being discovered, hopping in and out the window with ease to enjoy the outdoor deck and the world beyond.
One day Junior said to Papa, "Check this out. I found this hole with wires and tubing passing through in this back closet." Sure enough, they had found the secret access to the rest of the building. Junior was excited to have his first solo adult adventure and set out to learn the secrets beyond the apartment. This was good indeed as Papa understood they had food for a while here, but eventually they would need to move on.
But one day something awful happened. The window closed! Papa Critter tried to reassure his family. Surely, it was only temporary. It would open again soon. And he truly hoped that was true. They had managed to eat through all the easy food sources and would need to move on very soon. But he was getting reports from Junior that gave him hope they could find another way, with or without the window.
Then the next bad thing happened—he was spotted! He thought he could make it from the HVAC unit to behind the TV without being seen, but he wasn't fast enough. Now the human was on high alert. This would not be good!
Very quickly tricks and traps started going up. Glue traps!! Being a streetwise NYC mouse, he knew about these and avoided them at all cost. But then their comfort areas were disturbed. The human cleaned and with "sniff, sniff—BLEACH!" Papa Critter was very nervous now.
Junior was just returning from one of his scouting trips and quickly knew something was wrong. He ran across the entry and dodged behind the couch. But he too, was too slow and was spotted. More cleaning, more bleach...everything was getting very scary indeed. And just when they thought it couldn't get worse...all the lights and TV went on and it was loud. A truly mouse family hell. They were so scared.
Papa and Junior came up with a plan. Papa would keep the family hidden and safe, only leaving if the window once again opened. Junior would take one more scouting trip. The plan was he'd soon come back for the family and show them how to navigate the building through the hole in the closet to find their next home. They gave each other a hug and parted ways, fully expecting to see each other soon.
Just as Junior jumped down the hole a miracle happened. The window opened! It was still loud and bright so Papa urged the family to stay strong and quiet. Just little faith and patience to make sure they could all stay safe. And then the miracle happened. Just as dusk was starting to set, everything got quiet. The lights and TV went off and the only sound was a low TV coming from another room. Papa knew this was the time to make the escape. He knew Junior would know to leave through the window when he returned so everything was set. He and the rest of the family took their last trip through the window and made their way to the meeting spot to wait for Junior to find his chance. Only, that chance would never come.
The window was closed about 30 minutes after they left, never to be open again. Junior returned to the apartment excited to lead his family to a safer place, only they weren't there. "No worries," he thought, "the window must be open." Only when he got there, it was closed. He could smell his family had been here very recently, so he knew they got out, but that he was stuck. But was he really? He had been exploring the world of the building for a few days and found it very exciting. He decided he'd go back through the hole in the closet to learn more about the building, meet the other mice, and maybe he'd find help to reunite with his family and bring them back to an even better apartment.
That was when he met Jimmy. Jimmy was a 5th generation building mouse and knew all the secrets and history of the building. Jimmy was happy for the new company and showed Junior all he knew. He had never been outside of the building. Why would he? He could navigate in and out of apartments, the trash compactor room, and places most humans couldn't even think of to get all the food, water, and safe rest he needed. He did this all by rarely going very far into any apartment. The stove was always the end of his frontier. He had heard the horror stories of what happens when the humans realize where they are. But the stove provided all he needed.
Junior had been excited to show him the apartment his family had called home. He didn't think it was a good idea, but figured he'd let the kid figure that out for himself. They got to the hole but quickly realized something wasn't right! Someone had stuffed a bunch of metal into the hole. It wasn't the super bad mouse proof metal, but it still didn't look good. And then the smell! Ugh BLEACH! That did it! Jimmy told Junior that the apartment was no longer safe and he should just steer clear. But not to worry, he'd show him the ropes.
Junior was a fast learner and quickly mastered the stove trick. That is where you wait until the apartment is dark and quiet to crawl up the back of the stove, through the vent at the top, and onto the stovetop for a quick meal and then back down. It was great. This didn't work for every apartment. But there were enough apartments with holes between the kitchen and the building walls to make a life of it. The best part was the variety. He no longer had to eat dog food for 2 weeks straight, but every meal could be a new adventure of tastes.
One day Junior found himself back in the family apartment. He wasn't sure what he should do. He pondered a quick exploration to see if his family returned as he ate his scrambled eggs. But too late, he heard the front door open and jumped down the back vent. He thought he escaped detection, but he soon knew he must have been wrong. Very quickly the entire space between the building wall, kitchen, and stove were filled with the aroma of vinegar coming from above and bleach coming from below. He escaped out the crack between the floor and wall and ran to tell Jimmy what happened.
Jimmy was sympathetic but also realistic. He told Junior to stay clear of that apartment for a while at least. Humans on high alert was never good for mice.
Junior tried to go back a few days later but the crack was blocked. A new smell was coming through that he couldn't quite place. He later learned it was peppermint. "Gross, yuck. Why?"
Over the coming weeks he tried to see if conditions at the apartment had improved. But instead, they worsened. Peppermint hit his nose every time he tried. He decided he would push past the metal of his previous hole to just see for himself what was happening in the old apartment. But a new metal had appeared. This one clearly mouse proof plus some smelly goop stuff keeping it glued in place. And the peppermint smell here was even stronger. Behind it, he could catch a whiff of bleach further back. He had to give up on this entrance. He tried to accept the fact he could never again get into that apartment. But he just couldn't let go and would try every now and then.
One day he found an even smaller hole he had never seen before. "This is it!" he thought. Very excited he worked to squeeze himself through this hole to reenter the apartment. He hit the familiar aromas of peppermint, bleach, and vinegar but he sat with it a moment to see what else he could smell. Was there dog food on the other side of the smelly blockade? He tried to wish for the smell of dog food or something else yummy, but it just wasn't there. The only smells coming from the apartment were peppermint, bleach, and vinegar. Sadly he turned away and left the apartment behind forever.
Months later, Junior was showing his son the ropes of the building. His son spotted the very small hole that led to the old family apartment. Eddy asked his dad, "Can I go check it out?" Junior said, "Go right ahead" and sat back with a smile on his face. Eddy wasn't gone 15 seconds before he returned with a disgusted look on his face. "Oh, gross. What are those smells? I think I'm going to be sick to my stomach." Junior gave him a gentle laugh and said, "Those are the warning signs that an apartment is not safe for us. I want you to remember those smells and always run away from them. Especially with this apartment. It will never be safe for our kind again."
A year later, Junior's great-great granddaughter was exploring the building with her dad. She asked "What's down this hole? Can I check it out?" Her dad said sure. He had heard the stories, but was never brave enough to check it out for himself. Trixie bravely went through the hole. But humans have since moved and things were different. She smelled peanut butter and pet food. OMG! This is the best. She tentatively stuck her head through the hole to come face to face with a big scary cat. She ran back the other way faster than even she knew she could move.
No mice ever attempted to enter that apartment again.
The end.
Story Origins
This story grew out of the quiet (and sometimes not-so-quiet) narratives I’ve been telling myself lately—an imaginative way to process the very real stress of sharing my apartment with uninvited furry roommates.
The truth is, I acted fast. I brought in the professionals and followed up with hours of ChatGPT dialogue, brainstorming every possible deterrent. (Yes, I really asked: “Mice are smart and trainable. How long until they learn this apartment is not safe and stop trying?” The answer: about a month of consistent effort.)
As of now, all known entry points are blocked. But if I’ve learned anything from both fiction and pest control, it’s this: stay vigilant, and don’t give them a reason to come in. Pet food, messes, smelly leftovers—they make mice curious. I’m finally learning to clean as I go instead of waiting for a more convenient time.
10 days since last sign of critters. My peppermint, bleach, and vinegar lineup remains firmly in place for the rest of my time here—as an extra layer of protection, and maybe a little peace of mind.
Writing this helped me reclaim some calm, a bit of humor, and a surprising amount of creative energy. I hope it brought you something, too.
Do you have any mice tips? Please share. I’m always open to new strategies.
The Publishing Process
Original Draft in Word — Started in Word, written independently.
I leaned in heavily to AI for review and editing. Here's a quick breakdown of the steps I followed:
Pasted the draft into ChatGPT and asked for a copy edit only.
Then asked if there were any opportunities to tighten and improve the piece.
Reviewed its suggestions, then prompted for a rewrite implementing the improvements.
Read that version—but noticed too much context and tone had been lost.
Prompted ChatGPT again to redraft while preserving context and nuance.
Got a stronger version, but it was still much shorter than the original.
Turned to Claude: asked it to compare the original draft with the shorter ChatGPT version and weigh in.
Claude preferred the ChatGPT version but pointed out key elements missing from the longer draft.
Asked Claude to redraft with those missing sections re-integrated.
Pasted that into Substack as my working draft.
Final Steps:
Always read out loud before publishing and adjust anything that feels off.
Worked with ChatGPT to create visuals, including captions and alt text.
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